There were two armed guards at Columbine so it's weird the NRA didn't bring those guys up on stage to talk about how well that went.

Romney's Five Point Plan: 1. China 2. Binders 3. Lorraine 4. Dividends 5. Lorraine

The Oscars are the Super Bowl of people in sweatpants having opinions about dresses.

Kind of incredible a woman this good at singing also uses an app to find out how many points spaghetti is.

The specific anxiety when you're 1st in line for the bathroom & you start 2nd guessing whether you really tested the doorknobs.

Kevin Costner and Jodie Foster are about to get on a space ship together

"Nice hat" usually means "hat".

This Avengers midnight crowd is like a clinic on ways t-shirts don't fit.

ALERT: At brunch in Williamsburg & the bar is OUT OF MASON JARS. Patrons forced to drink Bloody Maries out of wine glasses like mud people.

Brienne of Tarth looks like a Tilda Swinton mech.

It's so cool that everyone in the subway that saved Tobey Maguire at the end of Spider-Man 2 is asking questions at the debate tonight.

Sorta rude for them to run this "2 Broke Girls Spectacular" ad right after Michelle and Kelly got in line for their bus back home.

THE UNDERTAKER

“The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” - Christopher Hitchens

Christopher Hitchens made me want to write, read, argue, and drink more. If God's real, Hitchens has already convinced Him He's not.

Thanks for everyone's takes on Drake and Amanda Bynes. I just checked, and we have enough. Now all we can do is mail them to Obama and wait.

"It's a horror remake of Lady & the Tramp told from the meatball's perspective"

I wrote a very real and scientific plan to get over your New Year's Day hangover for @bonappetitmag. http://t.co/SXAPeLiu

New Orleans mayor: "I was told I had 60 days to pay this bill."

TLC should make a reality show about a husband and wife who manage a Taco Bell called "Runs in the Family".