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News from Real Madrid suggests builders were seen hanging a new tyre from the home dressing room ceiling. Could be nothing.
According to BBC News there's a rare bird on the loose in Scotland. I assume that means she's sober and appropriately dressed?
0.00001% <-- the percentage of people that buy Kingsize Rizla to make 'normal' cigarettes with.
Audit be Magic
Ironic that Anne Widdecombe is campaigning against binge drinking when it makes her seem more attractive.
1 Peel a potato
2 Coat in melted sugar and insert stick
3 Wrap in clear plastic
4 Hand to Trick or Treater as Toffee Apple
Roses are multicoloured, violets just melt, I've taken acid, look at that dog.
"Bring on Ba... Oh balls..."
Tip: if your man comes home with flowers smell his fingers.
Chocolate and the Charlie Factory #DrugFilms
The reason that Barry from Eastenders has been typecast as Barry from Eastenders, is that he's Barry from Eastenders in real life.
If Twitter has taught me anything, it's that normal people are far more interesting and entertaining than 99.9% of celebrities are.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got amnesia,
Do you want to hear a poem about flowers?
Ashley Young was subbed. Apparently the elastic had gone in his Speedos.
Don't take me too seriously, it's really not worth it. Except on Tuesdays.