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I wish somebody would get busy in this Burger King bathroom.
Cleaning.
Because it is filthy.
In your opinion, is being drunk at 4:24 on a weekday a sign of a problem?

Hmm

Good thing it's just your opinion then

Pass me that drink
Not to brag or anything but I like to sing "fat guy in a little coat" when putting a condom on.
Schools are closed for a storm coming tomorrow so everyone is stocking up on life essentials.

Naturally; I'm in line at the liquor store.
Today woulda been a lot more fun if the mystery spot on my pants was what it looks like. Yeah, I tasted it to see. It's not.
The only way this non-fat cheese stick would taste any good is if I could swap it out with the celery stick in a bloody mary.
14
jorshuwahpiercedbratfunnyguySilkPillowalmostfancylesbeebeBlondHousewifemcpcsome1s_sistaTymethiefThaozillathejohnblogblondediva11FormerPolice
Sitting at my desk in a towel, enjoying a rootbeer float and looking at porn reminds me how lucky I am that I'm not a farmer.
I'm running across a field in a dress toward my love. My gin runs toward me, his legs short and stumpy, yes, but whatever.
Damn it I'm drunk again!

Who has done this to me!?
11
MoodyPlaylistmcpcTeleholicGirlblondediva11giromideSlappNuttzBettyLiespiercedbratShacklesackDoanDoDatbellamor_3
The audition where I had to improvise opposite a puppet went remarkably well.
1
mcpc
so the gas pedals stick on toyotas. too bad they don't explode. that'd be
way more newsworthy. and cool.
9
redtothetoneNikiWithIssuesstarrmommy824chiclet_SmmythestarmushroomsmcpcsuicidalblondSlappNuttz
Ok, who is JD Salinger?? Ohhh, he wrote The Catcher In the Rye. Ya, I smoked a lot of pot in high school.
9
Rickster_01twistedpfisterlesbeebestarrmommy824SlappNuttzUPTIGHTishmcpcblobertFormerPolice
John Travolta is flying Scientology ministers to Haiti. Adding insult to injury, they'll be bringing along unsold DVDs of Battlefield Earth.
Waxing cars, painting fences and sanding porches doesn't work because I just got my ass handed to me by a black belt.
10
TheBoshaNikiWithIssuesStereoForBrainsmcpcBeef_TonguetammyphinneyCroweJambedheadblondepvarasJuniorwad
Its a good thing I've been working on my ninjatastics or that wasp would've stung me in the face.
9
evrythingmustgoprejuthisredtothetonelesbeebepeterfitzwelmcpcDeconileLindsayLoootalks_in_maths
Finding out about unscheduled meetings can best be compared to my reaction watching 2 girls, 1 cup for the first time.
10
MalkahWadetoBlackMoodyPlaylistUPTIGHTishmcpcFussySaffanavanaxtammyphinneyCroweJambedheadblonde
Who has 2 thumbs and just used them to shove a piece of chocolate cake into their face?
14
jane_botmcpcsnydgoldengateblondmokeycdavio1962SuMacDanakaperdantBlue_Crabthejohnblogbestgirlbettyblankslatebedheadblondemonikkab
I think child protective services would have more success if they threatened to give you more children rather than take all yours away.
"Get off my lawn." RIP J.D. Salinger.
13
LinesDrawnCroweJamsucittaMSmmytheTheBoshamcpcMorrostwilarityKillerwitcloudya01blondediva11navanaxBlondHousewife
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye.
15
judyschuBeviekinsmcpcvaneschristalandjenfunkyjenCheVolayrbokMichaelSalamoneThaozillaAmyPretzlBlondHousewifeDoanDoDatrrebel2bluedream420
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