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In your opinion, is being drunk at 4:24 on a weekday a sign of a problem?
Hmm
Good thing it's just your opinion then
Pass me that drink
Hmm
Good thing it's just your opinion then
Pass me that drink
Schools are closed for a storm coming tomorrow so everyone is stocking up on life essentials.
Naturally; I'm in line at the liquor store.
Naturally; I'm in line at the liquor store.
Today woulda been a lot more fun if the mystery spot on my pants was what it looks like. Yeah, I tasted it to see. It's not.
The only way this non-fat cheese stick would taste any good is if I could swap it out with the celery stick in a bloody mary.
14
Sitting at my desk in a towel, enjoying a rootbeer float and looking at porn reminds me how lucky I am that I'm not a farmer.
I'm running across a field in a dress toward my love. My gin runs toward me, his legs short and stumpy, yes, but whatever.
so the gas pedals stick on toyotas. too bad they don't explode. that'd be
way more newsworthy. and cool.
way more newsworthy. and cool.
9
Ok, who is JD Salinger?? Ohhh, he wrote The Catcher In the Rye. Ya, I smoked a lot of pot in high school.
9
John Travolta is flying Scientology ministers to Haiti. Adding insult to injury, they'll be bringing along unsold DVDs of Battlefield Earth.
Waxing cars, painting fences and sanding porches doesn't work because I just got my ass handed to me by a black belt.
10
Finding out about unscheduled meetings can best be compared to my reaction watching 2 girls, 1 cup for the first time.
10
I think child protective services would have more success if they threatened to give you more children rather than take all yours away.
"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye.
15
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