Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I bet Tony Danza's blood-type is either AO or OA.
Mall benches are like thrones for weirdos.
Let's just call salmon what it really is: Faggot steak.
Hey, "guy who hugs everyone so then I have to," settle down.
Boy, Asian people sure have blurry genitals.
Given my body-type, I take a lot more "run by this window naked real quick" chances than I should.
I think part of the T-Rex's anger came from never being able to put their own hats on.
I bet the first pregnant woman just thought it was a mean shit coming. #history
Ties are just fancy arrows pointing at our dicks.
Being stoned is great, right up to the part where you're in front of a mirror and you go, "Oh yeah. Shit. That's what I look like."
Hand me your phone and someone you know's getting an "I wanna fuck you" text.
It's tough to watch someone you love eat corn on the cob.
I wanted to be black when I was a teenager. Now I realize it was because black people don't play board games at parties.
We've all got that one weird friend that wants us to succeed.
My wife just took a shit. Now that's what I call a gross domestic product.
"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing... Alright, why don't we all take five, bang a kid or whatever, and regroup." - Socrates
I hope the Heaven evaluation form doesn't get into the whole "masturbating in front of my pets" thing.
No one say anything about soccer. I haven't seen it yet.
I hope my memory foam mattress doesn't remember all of my terrible sex attempts.
Friends, live each moment with the focus and determination of a swiftly-walking gay man late for yoga class.