Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
What if, when we die, the light we see at the end of the tunnel is just ourselves getting pushed out of another vagina?
Ladies: we're not fooled by your PMS trickery. I see how happy you are in those tampon commercials.
Sex offenders have to register. I think stupid people should have to register too. I don't want to live next to a stupid person.
Kit-Kats: it's all fun and games until there's five people.
Maybe she's born with it... or maybe she's just a hideous monster wearing a shit ton of makeup. ~Maybelline
God loves you unconditionally, under a few conditions. ~Jesus
Never fake an orgasm. That's just rewarding bad behavior.
Dear women: if God wanted us to rub your back he would have put your boobs there.
I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll have a look.
My daughter is scared to sleep in her room, wants me to look in the closet. F*ck that, there's monsters in there.
I want a car that runs on the tears I shed at the gas pump.
I told my psychiatrist I was addicted to FavStar and Twitter; the pretentious bastard was all like, "I'm sorry, I don't follow"
Well I happen to think Jessica Simpson looks great for being 28 months pregnant.
Serious parental dilemma: We've put child locks on all the doors and windows but the kids manage to somehow get back inside.
Wife is reading Fifty Shades of Grey and now I don't have any cucumbers left for this salad.
This chick on Facebook just got 62 "likes" for saying she had a headache from a long day. F*ck that place.
My wife fakes the best sandwiches.
Twitter users! If you find a tweet that is funny or insightful, please click "favorite" and/or "retweet." We live for that sh*t. Thanks!
Do gays dress so fabulous because of all the time they spent in the closet?
You "healthy" people realize organic means cow shit right?
I make poop jokes. Curator of http://t.co/tSuuaFQYjV