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Google Now is just taunting me. "You know, if you ditched work now you could be home in, like, 27 minutes. Just sayin'."
Wikipedia's down. I feel stupider already.
I've got some international air travel coming up soon. Is it too early or too much to ask for my 4th amendment rights back now?
Technically, they're "Canada Geese". If they were "Canadian Geese" they wouldn't be such dicks.
New TSA screening procedures go into effect next week. When they ask if you have a 'Manifesto', the correct answer is 'No'.
My little econobox rental has a speedometer that goes all the way to 120MPH. Isn't that adorable??
The city is doing "mosquito fogging" tonight around midnight. That tiny part of my brain screams "secret government death vapor!!"
I must know the why of things. It's my thing. I don't know why.
Something to remember when buying chocolate at IKEA. Ikea is Swedish. Not Swiss.
Thank you for your years of service. Here's your polished lucite cube.
Doesn't it make you incensed when people learn a nascent word and then contrive to incorporate it into discourse?
What does it say about my neighborhood when the dog pound is full of nothing but chihuahuas and pit bulls?
Anyone else noticed how ubiquitous Caller ID has changed our greetings? Instead of "Hello?" we now say e.g., "Where the hell's my money?!"
This restaurant claims locally sourced hotdogs. Frankly, it is better for all of us to simply not question the providence of our hotdogs.
"Wow, Michael. This is the most dressed-up I've ever seen you!" I'm wearing black jeans and a polo...
Stupid in retrospect, but the last person I expected to fall to pearl-clutching behavior was the only woman I know who still wears pearls...
I promise to not talk about the weather.
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