"OMG, that dude with the skinny jeans on is so fuckin sexy!" - no woman, ever.

It's a disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad. Kinda like a living oxymoron.

"stalker" has such a negative connotation to it. I much prefer "extensive background research specialist"

With great tits comes great responsibility....

Retweeting: Because sometimes others articulate the thoughts that are stuck in your head, perfectly.

Breaking the "who's gonna fart first" barrier is an important milestone in any new relationship

The beauty of Social Networking these days is that u can cross paths w/utterly amazing people that you'd never have encountered otherwise.

Order a pizza. There's a knock. Hungrily, u fling the door open, &...there stands creepy dude w/a banjo

It's not delivery, it's Deliverance

Sometimes silence is my favorite sound in the whole wide world.

My biggest joy on twitter is finding new tweeters & RTing the fuck out of them



We all had to start somewhere...pay that shit forward!

Does Dyson make vibrators yet?

I hate it when I'm masturbating on the couch and somebody says "Ma'am, you're no longer welcome at IKEA."

Twitter: great for making you fall for people who live nowhereFUCKINGnear you!

Taco Tuesday...that's where you eat my pussy all day long, right??

In the mood to have one of those Fear & Loathing-type weekends

I put my bra on just like the rest of y'all....one BIG ASS TITTIE at a time

Ignorance is not bliss, it's fucking dangerous.

Good twitter karma:
-always be nice/respectful
-help those just startin out
-remember that followers are a
privilege, not a right
-Just be u

7 Twisted Dwarfs of twitter:
- Hungry
- Horny
- Sleepy
- Stabby
- Snarky
- Slutty
- Tries-too-hard-y {?}

Twitter has taught me that you can add a "y" to virtually ANY verb, and make it a bad-ass adjective...


Ex: stabby, bendy, murdery