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R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
Dolls teach girls very unrealistic body standards. A Russian doesn't have to have many tiny Russians inside her to be beautiful.
R.I.P. 2011 (2011-2011)
Nancy Grace is what would happen if a Caps Lock key came to life
This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my living room, only my family showed up, and they're just telling me to stop drinking.
WHY was Mario Kart not called "Mario Speedwagon"
Women are like snowflakes: they can't drive
Ten out of one women is a Russian Nesting Doll
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
Meth addicts must pay for drugs with all the money they get from the tooth fairy
If embryos are people, ultrasounds are child pornography
By the time he was my age, Lee Harvey Oswald had already shot a PRESIDENT. i haven't even shot a normal person
PMS should be called "ovary-acting"
"I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
Isn't it annoying when you're having dinner with your in-laws and they don't exist because no one loves you enough to marry you?
I call my vagina "New Yorker cartoon" because it's dry and a handful of people have laughed at it
it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom