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At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
There's literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house
Dolls teach girls very unrealistic body standards. A Russian doesn't have to have many tiny Russians inside her to be beautiful.
R.I.P. 2011 (2011-2011)
WHY was Mario Kart not called "Mario Speedwagon"
Women are like snowflakes: they can't drive
Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my living room, only my family showed up, and they're just telling me to stop drinking.
Women shouldn't work outside the home. It's STEVE Jobs, not EVE Jobs.
"I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I recently adopted a highway, since I am unfortunately unable to have a biological highway
If embryos are people, ultrasounds are child pornography
PMS should be called "ovary-acting"
I think the most fucked up thing about the Catholic Church is that they force Bishops to only move in diagonals
Edward Scissorhands was beaten mercilessly by the school bully, Edward Rockhands
There's no way to prove that all murders aren't just time travelers killing future Hitlers
COCAINE IS NATURE'S CAPS LOCK
Such a double standard that when a guy sleeps with a ton of people he's "cool," but when I do I'm "lying"
"I like this girl but she doesn't even know I exist" - God
it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom