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You can always tell a native of the island of Capri by how their legs are 25% shorter than ours
Just drew a bunch of dicks on my friend's face. I love open-casket funerals!!
If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends
Dolls teach girls very unrealistic body standards. A Russian doesn't have to have many tiny Russians inside her to be beautiful.
I call my vagina the Museum of Natural History because students get in free on weekends
"Right." - Fred
I hope the Burger King and Dairy Queen have a Cheeseburger Prince
Did anyone else get the "TMI" screen on WebMD???
"I like this guy but I don't think he even knows I don't exist" - Lennay Kekua
Text "BONER" to 69696 to donate $69 dollars to the Rad Cross
The three most important things about surreal estate: melting clocks, melting clocks, melting clocks!
I think the most fucked up thing about the Catholic Church is that they force Bishops to only move in diagonals
Missed Connection: I was Liam Neeson, you took my daughter
Women are like snowflakes: they can't drive
R.I.P. 2011 (2011-2011)
According to the documents in my neighbor's trash, I'm a "stalker"
Being cute by buying my ticket for Lincoln with pennies
it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom