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"I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I don't mean to sound racist, but all the cover models for O Magazine look the same to me
Women who get kidnapped while jogging: you're not jogging fast enough
"Zyzzyva, Zyxst, Zyxt..." - Noah Webster's last words
Ten out of one women is a Russian Nesting Doll
It would be cool if Congress was shirts and skins
I just bought the NSA's new app, Nineteen-Eighty-Foursquare
I call my vagina Denny's because seniors eat free on Tuesdays
I'm going to request my last meal with fresh ground pepper & when the waiter tells me to say "when" to the pepper I'm just never going to
Just woke up from a date rape drug. So it WAS a date!!
You can always tell a native of the island of Capri by how their legs are 25% shorter than ours
Just drew a bunch of dicks on my friend's face. I love open-casket funerals!!
If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends
Dolls teach girls very unrealistic body standards. A Russian doesn't have to have many tiny Russians inside her to be beautiful.
I call my vagina the Museum of Natural History because students get in free on weekends
"Right." - Fred
I hope the Burger King and Dairy Queen have a Cheeseburger Prince
it's this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that's 'in' right now. - my mom