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some sitcoms are an insult to anyone who's ever had a human experience
"let me pick yr brain" means "let me have a short cut into the wisdom you've worked decades to accrue in exchange 4 no foreseeable benefits"
it's lonely at the top ramen
last night i had a dream that people were interested in hearing about dreams
great article. Chris Rock on directing Jerry Seinfeld and what he learned from Joan Rivers: http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/09/05/chris_rock_interview_comedian_on_his_movie_top_five_boredom_and_meeting.html?wpsrc=sh_all_tab_tw_ru … via @browbeat
relationship status: comedian
if you want to be with a 10 you gotta let go of all the 7's
is it me or is everyone at trader joe's horny
thank you for the new set of yellow pages, los angeles. i will def use them to call the 80's.
everyone who calls LA "la la land" should just stop you sound like a dumb dick
You can't throw your phone at your assistant when your assistant is Siri
oops i had meant to swipe no on the creepy tinder couple looking for a 3rd wheel but i guess god has a plan for me
missed connection: i was your soulmate, you were an alcoholic
comedian fm #AdventureTime #Reno911 #ComedyCentral co-creator of #TheProgram w/ #MariaBamford #ConfessionsOfAToothFairy w/ #KristenWiig & #RomanticEncounters
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