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some sitcoms are an insult to anyone who's ever had a human experience
it's lonely at the top ramen
last night i had a dream that people were interested in hearing about dreams
great article. Chris Rock on directing Jerry Seinfeld and what he learned from Joan Rivers: http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/09/05/chris_rock_interview_comedian_on_his_movie_top_five_boredom_and_meeting.html?wpsrc=sh_all_tab_tw_ru … via @browbeat
relationship status: comedian
if you want to be with a 10 you gotta let go of all the 7's
is it me or is everyone at trader joe's horny
thank you for the new set of yellow pages, los angeles. i will def use them to call the 80's.
everyone who calls LA "la la land" should just stop you sound like a dumb dick
You can't throw your phone at your assistant when your assistant is Siri
oops i had meant to swipe no on the creepy tinder couple looking for a 3rd wheel but i guess god has a plan for me
missed connection: i was your soulmate, you were an alcoholic
some people spend 27 years in prison for opposing apartheid, some people are the real housewives of orange county
the streets are filled with people tired of fucking each other who can't do anything about it. happy holidays!
new year's resolution: only dating guys who show up in google searches
comedian. Dr. Princess on #AdventureTime, cocreator of #TheProgram w/ #MariaBamford #ConfessionsOfAToothFairy w/ #KristenWiig #RomanticEncounters & #TigerLily
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