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religions are like rappers-- they all claim to be the best one & the more popular they are the more they get away with rape
great article. Chris Rock on directing Jerry Seinfeld and what he learned from Joan Rivers: http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/09/05/chris_rock_interview_comedian_on_his_movie_top_five_boredom_and_meeting.html?wpsrc=sh_all_tab_tw_ru … via @browbeat
relationship status: comedian
is it me or is everyone at trader joe's horny
thank you for the new set of yellow pages, los angeles. i will def use them to call the 80's.
everyone who calls LA "la la land" should just stop you sound like a dumb dick
You can't throw your phone at your assistant when your assistant is Siri
some people spend 27 years in prison for opposing apartheid, some people are the real housewives of orange county
the streets are filled with people tired of fucking each other who can't do anything about it. happy holidays!
missed connection: i was your soulmate, you were an alcoholic
new year's resolution: only dating guys who show up in google searches
i think there are probably more people walking around in swim trunks because they're out of clean underwear than we could ever know
you say potato, i say burning man is a deal breaker
i seriously would get married if i could do it with a month to month lease
when god closes a door just fuck someone else
"i'm not on twitter" is the new "i don't watch tv"
comedian. Dr. Princess on #AdventureTime. Reno 911. created #TheProgram w/ #MariaBamford, Confessions of a Tooth Fairy w/ #KristenWiig & #RomanticEncounters