i love that on twitter you can talk to yourself and people listen

The gutter is my minds comfort zone.

Ok whoever is holding my voodoo doll, step away...just put it down and step away.

When I ejaculate tweets all I really want is for you to follow.

Social media is for people who don't like socialising

I'll never forget the day I realised that every silver lining has a cloud

clowns wear big shoes because they're way over compensating after hearing the rumour about men with big feet having big dicks. I'm a size 54

I may be a loser but I can fuck my hand really well

I once gave a shit but they just threw it into the fan. It happened.

I used to be Mormon but at the time I was a Moron!

I'm sorry, did you just say hashishkebab?

I prematurely ejaculate when I think about my hand.

At the end of the day it's the end of the day.

Dildos have the best lives.

trying to stop peeing in the shower midstream when someone walks in is really hard

Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat, eventually you get pissed off

i have to use a macro lens for my cock shot

I think sex is better than sliced bread and I'm pretty sure it was first

I think I was dropped on my head when i was still a sperm :/

I don't beg for sex i just sit with sorrowful eyes looking at your boobs. It's a trick I learnt from my dog.