@mexyco's (Jennifer) most faved Tweets...
I quit my job of 3 years yesterday. I can finally fulfill my dream of being an unemployed mexican immigrant.
To some I am a good person, friend, & confidant. To others, I am that Mexican that hand delivers McDonalds to naked people in their bedroom.
My friend just informed me the clitoris has been compared to a rubik's cube. If thats the case, I can solve the clitoris in under 2 minutes.
When I want my mom to just shut the fuck up I tell her I'll call immigration on her ass. Minus the cursing, I respect her too much.
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Ever been to a Hispanic Thanksgiving? Goes like this: turkey (with salsa), corn (with salsa), gravy (with salsa) & sangria (with salsa).
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Don't tell me you have an "alcohol dependency problem", you're just an alcoholic with a good vocabulary.
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The car behind me must have been high like me too because they didn't notice we were at a green light for 15 seconds either.
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Do you ever sit with a blind man at the food court when there are no open tables? Yeah, me either.
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Are there no good shows to masturbate to at midnight? Oh well, spongebob square pants re-runs it is.
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Either I hit a skunk or a ghost took a shit in my car. I am getting a headache from this fucking stench.
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You can tell how old a ram is by the creases on their horns. Just like you can tell how old a man is by the wrinkles on their cock.
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Now that I'm 18, I can buy porn, cigs & lotto tickets but I'm most excited about being able to buy a Snuggie off the TV... without a parent.
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I hope @crackbarbie isn't embarrassed when the yoga class I told her to go to is actually an Ed Hardy velour jumpsuit intervention session.
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