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The (most recent) paradox of grieving is that it leaves me completely drained, physically exhausted, and deeply insomniac.
Finished the last annual birthday letter and photo book to send to Rebecca’s birthmother. We thought we’d send them for many Junes to come.
@swissmiss I’ll never be able to forget them: https://secure.flickr.com/photos/meyerweb/14640955746/ … and https://secure.flickr.com/photos/meyerweb/14677524313/ …
It will come as little surprise to those who know me that I scheduled my emotional breakdown. It starts tomorrow.
Ordered 15 custom photo books; 14 were perfect, but one had our cover and someone else’s pages.
I hope nobody got our pages in their cover.
On the other hand, I found out Kay Warren and I feel very similarly, so there’s that: https://m.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10152032456227569&id=105128507568&stream_ref=10 … (link via @anthonystauffer)
I keep wanting to apologize to Carolyn and Joshua. Not from guilt, but a profound regret that they experienced death so close, so young.
Much sorrow and anger. Trying to let go of the anger. Not easy right now, even though I know I have no right to it.
I have no idea if I’m making any sense. I’ve been getting less and less sleep recently; down to three hours last night.
One month. Thirty days. It feels like a lifetime and no time at all.
Proof that politicians aren‘t totally useless: this morning‘s CNN op-ed by John Boehner caused my first actual LOL in weeks.
I was unclear earlier: I wasn’t beating myself up, I was mourning for her. For how her life was affected by the cancer even before we knew.
Broke down over all the timeouts I put her in, over the possibility that her anger and defiance wasn’t her fault, that the tumor drove it.
Finally starting to come to grips with how much I have to come to grips with, mostly in relation to her final day.
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