@amandabynes Did @drake murder your vagina yet, honey? The people want to know.

I mean... RT @angryblkmandc: Aye Yung!! RT @synkami: SOMEBODY DROVE A FUCKING SMART CAR ON THE TRAIN IN FUCKING DC  http://twitpic.com/bvkcrw 

Really, it's too bad Joe Paterno isn't around to become #Pope. He had plenty of years under his belt of ignoring rampant sex abuse.

Ashley's probably going to find a way to get herself evicted from the Jury House, bless her heart. #bb14

You know you're too rich when you're a dude wearing a goddamned skirt on worldwide television. #kanyewest #121212concert

@amandabynes Oh lord, stop it. Some idiot girls probably look up to you.

@samuelljackson I know she was IN "Clueless", but damn!

RT @tvmojoe: The great, late, Jonathan Winters on Late Night with David Letterman in 1986. RIP to a legend:  http://youtu.be/WjYohvrldIg 

@charliesheen We gotta get you back on drugs, man.

I'm genuinely in awe of that "He's a communist" woman who was just on #Hardball. I thought those people only existed on Twitter. #msnbc

So, @iamjericho sang a boy band medley using "Jean Claude Van Damme" in place of real lyrics. Truly, an undisputed champion. #latenightjimmy

@eveldick They should just start with 24-26 people and do double evictions every week lol

#Viacom channels not available on #DirecTV since last night, and already, the world feels slightly less dumb.

Haha. The batshit doctor who "informed" #Akin was a #Romney surrogate in '08. This is Romney's Jeremiah Wright moment, except it's relevant.

@markhoppus heard that movie could go either way

Double amputee Paralympic medalist Oscar #Pistorius shot and killed his girlfriend, making him an alleged murderer, not a legged murderer.

@comedycentral Nemo jokes are getting a head start, but "8-10 inches" jokes are truly stiff competition.

Haha. Dave trying on @bootsy_collins' hat on tonight's @late_show. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! http://t.co/KJPCey7j

Haha, holy cow. B.J. Thomas sitting in with @questlove and The Roots on #latenightjimmy and they LEAD with the "Growing Pains" theme? Dude.

#LMFAO break up, citing that they're going in "different directions" musically. My guess: "Shitty" and "shittier".