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"My best friend is Irish, but I swear the guy can't keep his hands off a vintage Christmas sweater." #newbetterstereotypes @dresdencodak
Cain, Perry, Bachmann all claimed God told them to run for President, and all are out of the race. God is hilarious. (via @kellyoxford)
Mitt Romney won't reveal his tax plan because it involves killing all the Jedi. (via @dresdencodak)
Every dumbass statement Romney's made? He was well-rested & alert. Now imagine him bleary, roused at 3am, in a crisis. (via @pattonoswalt)
@blakehuggins lol Considering it contains its own filibuster of sorts, I agree.
@cameronstanley @cbuchholtz @evilpreston @imharvey If this happens, it will be forever known as The Council of Dicks.
@dresdencodak Then you'd have to create new movie titles featuring skeleton and/or scimitar puns.
Logic weeps every time a person compares guns to something that can kill you but is not explicitly made JUST to kill you. (via @devincf)
@kumailn Try upgrading to a Sisqo access point.
The Cabin in The Woods as a Choose Your Own Adventure book. pic.twitter.com/IDpw8b1r (via @andrewducker)
Joss Whedon On @mittromney: I feel like this sums up the decision before us. http://youtu.be/6TiXUF9xbTo
CERTAINLY NOT INTENTIONAL I’M SURE RT @time: Arizona county lists wrong election date on Spanish-language voter documents (via @fart)
For @justinjhyman & @dauntluss: Artemis is coming to iOS! (via @pocket) http://t.co/5aamQ2cU
Fantastic Voyage: @emilynussbaum on Community, Doctor Who & fandom. (via @pocket & @janeespenson) #longreads http://t.co/MMrUwQQ7
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap. #cnndebate (via @borowitzreport)
@williammaddox Prove it. With words.
RT @wilw: This bears repeating, especially to anyone who isn't a multi-millionaire, but continues to be anti-#ows: http://t.co/pXpr43pj
RT @csthewriter: Whatever your views of #OWS, you have to realize that restricting press access is symptomatic of a very large problem.
RT @jarednixon: The footballers sure did/didn't football well tonight.
Real artists ship. http://t.co/W9DmGeP6 #stevejobs
Husband. Geek. Lamewad.
Stats can't be shown as @michaeldhm has never signed in to Favstar.