This Mexican restaurant doesn't serve chips and salsa so I guess people can just do whatever the fuck they want now?

Don't worry, you guys, this isn't a legitimate hurricane. We have ways of shutting this whole thing down.

Joan Rivers did an amazing halftime show.

I bet one of the hardest things about being a Republican is being wrong about everything.

Now I understand what the Wright Brothers were trying to fly away from.

People who claim to be their own harshest critic have never been on the internet.

Hard to see the Russians cry but then I remember what Drago did to Apollo Creed and I feel better.

If you're making lemonade because life gave you lemons, it also implies life gave you sugar, which destroys the metaphor.

Anna Nicole Smith dies, Honey Boo Boo born. Reincarnation: PROVEN!

Unique among long-lived bands, The Beastie Boys never sucked. Never.

Are the Cowboys called "America's Team" because they too are falling apart?

If there isn't a service for buying Eastern European brides called Czech Mate, then we don't deserve this planet.

Dear President Obama, please make them give us chips and salsa at every restaurant, not just Mexican ones.

People forget that Avril and Chad Kroeger are both Canadian so they HAVE to get married. It's also why Justin Bieber is going to marry Rush.

I thought President Obama missed several opportunities by not calling Mitt Romney a douchebag throughout the debate.

Didn't Mitt Romney watch "Tropic Thunder"? You're not supposed to go full retard!

In all seriousness, I think Mitt Romney did a great job tonight and also he is a douchebag.

A hologram of Michael Jackson just invited my son for a sleepover.

Is Avril Lavigne still angry about everything or is she okay now?

I'm not saying you have to be mentally handicapped to enjoy country music, just that it helps.