Hahahahahaha “@josh_wills: Riots breaking out in Noe Valley: two strollers overturned and on fire at 24th and Sanchez.”

Insane RT @espnstatsinfo: Marco Scutaro- 7 swings in Game 1, missed none. He's now taken 89 swings this postseason and only missed twice.

Talking to my 5 & 7 yr old about corn syrup feels like an episode of portlandia

Love Rt @brittneyg: OH on the bus: "Pull the cord, Ezra, then it is nap time. Then Mommy and Daddy are going to drink a bunch of mimosas."

⭐@mat: Am I a bad person for silently loathing people who talk on public transit and hoping we have to stop suddenly & they fall down & cry?

I'm keeping Siri female because I find it easier to swear at her #bitch #femalepower?

First to spot @lahlahlindsey on some nature channel @ustream cam wins the fur jock strap.

Freaking n Judah

Kids: does being born in a place make you of that place?
Me: yes. Like, Californian, San Franciscan
Kids: Judah Streetan!

Damn! RT @skimbrel: Market and Church: also fucked. pic.twitter.com/XMyDKMm4

Yes! Muni made me do it “@daisy: Jesus Christ are you all drunk? You're getting a little too excited about cop singing God Bless America.”

Hearing Terry Gross say 'asshole' just made my weekend. Someone please
sample that.

i'm gonna #occupythewharf if an agreement is not made quickly...
#dungeness
#iwantsome

@linecook you know the first time I ordered shaking beef, I pronounced it 'shah - king' because it sounded fancy.

✅ “@linecook: Gwyneth Paltrow. #culinarysins”

Hey Shahyan Ahmed, did you know that every time you tweet me, gmail puts it in my spam folder? you're so dangerous rawr #NSA @ahmedshahyan

Gave up on daughter's soccer game and am sitting in warm, wind-free car. #terriblemom

@mike_ftw pic.twitter.com/ABg1dRScMM

@djbtv word must be out about ¡Burrito, The Musical!

me too yay napping FTW “@cardassianv0le: Currently tweeting from my bed #naptweet”