We shouldn't make fun of Kirstie Alley. She's a person, two.

The most interesting people on twitter got that way through reading books.

If there's a method to your madness, you're probably OCD.

Probably the best we can expect in a civil society is for the rich to eat the poor with a knife and fork.

I don't care which of the hilariously witty new names we use for BP. I just want them to Be Punished.

Women are more detail-oriented because someone has to find the clitoris.

Teachers make great tweeters because they're used to writing snarky comments in tight spaces & giving out stars.

I can tell it's autumn because the colors in the political ads have turned from folksy sepia to hate mongering black-and-white.

Those aren't tears. That's my hopes and dreams pissing in my eyes.

Star because they can't see you smile.

You do realize that when you change your avatar and your username, nobody has a fucking clue who you are?

I don't unfollow lightly, but if I find out you have a Western-themed bathroom, really, what choice do I have?

If all the world's a stage, then where's the hook to yank off the idiots?

Ethics boils down to this: Neither a doormat nor a dickhead be.

Casey Anthony is celebrating tonight with a tall glass of OJ.

It disturbs me just a little that Gaga was born that way.

Since getting a Kindle, what I miss most about books is tipping them forward on the shelf to open a secret passageway.

Boys can have daddy issues too. They're the ones stripping cars rather than their clothes.

Was I just naive to expect a full-service termite company to bring aardvarks?

Diamonds are forever. Follows, not so much.