I watched 5 seconds of the GOP debate from last night. Now I need somebody 2 punch me in the dick to take my mind off of their stupidity.

@parajanitor I like to think of pony tails as "power steering"...

@meaganbb1 Obi Juan Kenobi

I'd tell you to go fuck yourself but you'd probably delegate that to me as well.

Me at work...

@kennethlipp @brandondarby God hates anyone who has a special place in their heart for that douche Breitbart. #goodriddance

@robdelaney @kimkardashian Michelle Obama needs to watch out. We all know how Kim acts around black men. #hadsomeblackinher

Attention to the douchebag that invented paperwork: Please go and fuck yourself. That is all. #kthanxbai

@thegoodgodabove Smiting of #FuckFaceVonClownStick aka @realdonaldtrump and giving Lady Gaga laryngitis. Thanx big guy, praise you!

@mochanya But you don't need the roof let the mother fuc...

Sorry, I got carried away. I'll sit down now.

@the_sculptress Have the happiest of birthdays.

@akatriple Thinning the herd, filtering out the gene pool, losing the limp dick lame assed fuck wads that are just so much dead weight...

@akatriple Pinstripe and logic? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

@the_sculptress Air drums FTW!!!

If you're not following @ramblingmachine then you obviously weren't brought up right as a child. Follow. Laugh. Thank me later. #FF

@lil_dead_girl_ And a four star hotel usually doesn't offer hourly rates...

@tigersgoroooar There is no such thing as an evil cheeseburger. Only good & beneficial cheeseburgers. But I'm a fat guy, what do I know?

@jolieesprit I'm thinking a call needs to be made to Merriam-Webster and get both of those put in the dictionary. #epicverbage

@lil_dead_girl_ Don't have to outrun the zombies, just have to outrun the smokers! #nomnomnom

@lil_dead_girl_ 4x: Somebody quit smoking weed a day too late.

@aspersioncast AND she'll be a great dancer... #getonthepole