Me and @laurenmasterson have the ability to not recognize each other when we are sitting next to each for an hour at school.

This weather is beautiful today! pic.twitter.com/LWB3B7O2g7

I can still smell paste from kindergarten

I've always wondered does Forrest Gump and his son have AIDS since Jenny died of it?

@laurenmasterson Yes I do.

@brookegirard Why is it snowing in TV if it's hot outside?

Kroll Show is hands down the best show on TV today.

More and more things are starting to annoy me which means I'm getting closer of reaching my goal of becoming a bitter old man.

After my vegas trip, I understand Leprechaun 3 a little more.

A little kid just threw a box of goldfish at me then told me I had girl hair & wanted to cut me up like a maniac at work #MikeBrownProblems

Whelp got my favorite belt buckle confiscated at the airport because it was a threat. #MikeBrownProblems

I've come to the conclusion that this account is only here to entertain Bobby's Burger Palace related people.

Shirts should be up online by the beginning of 2013. Details will be posted soon. I'm beyond excited. #NotAMikeBrownProblem.

They produce online stores for Passion Pit, A Day To Remember, Jenna Marbles and now Mike Brown. #Weird

It's official! My #RandomLife clothing line is finally underway! Best part is District Lines clothing is opening the online store!

@laurenmasterson Yeah my bad

Remember that one thanksgiving when the Cat in the Hat balloon crashed into the audience & injured tons of spectators? #HappyTurkeyday

Handed in a paper today titled " #MikeBrownProblems". I know some of you want to read it.

@kateexpectation you live a sad sad life

Someone died in the Red Bank Dunkin Donuts bathroom today. Yep it's one of those days.