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The hardest part of Keeping Up With The Kardashians is swallowing all that jizz.
Sometimes I think more stuff will make me happy, then it just sits there, doesn't even try.
I wanna fuck that little girl from True Grit.
Goddamn iPhone spellcheck.
I meant, I hope she wins.
VOTE NO ON PROP comics.
Did you guys know that hole on the top of a dolphin IS NOT a vagina?
So glad I didn't buy a season pass to Sea World.
If Kevin Costner uses the "N-word" again, I'm turning off this funeral.
Are you a foodie? Well, bad news. That's a made-up, bullshit thing. Cause everybody likes food, you fuck.
I live next to a retirement home. There's an ambulance and fire truck here at least twice a week. So sad that many old people catch on fire.
I'm an asshole pussy faggot loser cause I said something about a guy you don't know, on a team you like? Did your steel mill close?
How come actresses can't "act" not crazy in real life?
I just bought $85.10 worth of fruits and vegetables. Monday I'll be throwing away about $81.00 worth.
Babies are like cake. You love it cause you made it but eventually you have to stab it with a knife and eat it.
I think? I don't have kids.
Seriously, Indians on the east coast, STOP DANCING.
Women like it when you order their food for them. Cause women love food.
The coolest thing about buying pineapples is, you get to introduce new species of tropical bugs into your home.
Photographer, 5 Minutes with Mike video series http://www.youtube.com/mikecarano