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The hardest part of Keeping Up With The Kardashians is swallowing all that jizz.
Sometimes I think more stuff will make me happy, then it just sits there, doesn't even try.
I wanna fuck that little girl from True Grit.
Goddamn iPhone spellcheck.
I meant, I hope she wins.
VOTE NO ON PROP comics.
Did you guys know that hole on the top of a dolphin IS NOT a vagina?
So glad I didn't buy a season pass to Sea World.
If Kevin Costner uses the "N-word" again, I'm turning off this funeral.
Are you a foodie? Well, bad news. That's a made-up, bullshit thing. Cause everybody likes food, you fuck.
I live next to a retirement home. There's an ambulance and fire truck here at least twice a week. So sad that many old people catch on fire.
I'm an asshole pussy faggot loser cause I said something about a guy you don't know, on a team you like? Did your steel mill close?
I just found out Stephen Hawking is British. WTF? I didn't hear an accent.
How come actresses can't "act" not crazy in real life?
I just bought $85.10 worth of fruits and vegetables. Monday I'll be throwing away about $81.00 worth.
Babies are like cake. You love it cause you made it but eventually you have to stab it with a knife and eat it.
I think? I don't have kids.
Seriously, Indians on the east coast, STOP DANCING.
Photographer, Miscellaneous Adventures podcast, musician, 5 Minutes with Mike video series