200 years from now, some human/cyborgs will boot up the long dead twitter servers and say "what in the fuck was WRONG with these people?"

Whoever makes the final tweet before twitter goes offline for good, please don't embarrass us.

Here's the thing about romance. No.

I call bullshit. At nothing in particular, just figured it was my turn.

In the interest of specificity, "ass load" and "fuck ton" need to be standardized by the international system of weights and measures.

Mathematically, shouldn't everyone be following everyone by this point?

Nearly just had a panic attack about all the procrastinating I have planned for tomorrow.

People often ask me things, much as I may try to discourage it.

That RT button is surprisingly easy to operate.

I've had to explain hyberbole 40,000 times today.

Relax everyone, we're all just here saying a bunch of stuff that's filling up a server, and will someday in the future be used to kill us.

Apparently "Roger that!" doesn't mean the same thing in London as it does here in the U.S.

I've been on twitter for about 16 hours today, and sorry to say, quite a few of you seem to suffer from twitter addiction.

Just got an email from work saying yes, we can stab the first 5 people who say "haven't seen you since last year." About fucking time.

There are only 2 ways this can turn out. One way, or some other different kind of way.

When you connect with someone, and there's no pressure, just understanding and respect, it's so rare and precious, your heart rejoices.

Hey fighting neigbors, either keep it down, or fight louder so I can keep score.

Don't beg to differ. Just differ.

I just unfollowed someone. It felt so good, I wish I could star it.

I don't mind stars, but frankly, too many followers would freak me out.