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Has anyone buried some Harry Potter books in the desert so we can start another religion in 2000 years?
Probably used his real name and address when he made his PlayStation Network account.
In 50 years, our chart-toppers have gone from "I wanna hold your hand" to "to the sweat drop down my balls." Sad.
"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never tell if they're genuine." -Abraham Lincoln
Family Radio, despite being certain of tomorrow's impending apocalypse, gave a 5-day forecast today.
I really wish someone would write a song about what a good time they're having at the club tonight.
For those keeping score at home, we can grow new organs from stem cells, but our soda machines are unable to accept a face-down dollar bill.
"Dear Mike. I want to release music but I'm scared it won't be good enough. What should I do?" Nickelback has fans. Release it.
I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me.
There are few things in life as heartbreaking as pressing the wrong button on the vending machine.
Every time I turn on the radio, I remember why I don't turn on the radio.
When facebook first opened, I wasn't allowed to join because my Berklee email didn't end in .edu. Now you can attend Hogwarts.
"Nicholas Cage is to movies like Nickelback is to music."
Why do we offer others a penny for their thoughts but assume ours are worth two cents?
Last week, I looked deep into my dog's eyes and whispered "You're adopted."
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
Crap! I was supposed to be a teenage dream tonight, but I can't find my skintight jeans. Now I feel like a plastic bag. :(
Church bulletin: "the Body of Christ is now gluten-free." You'll excuse me if I need a minute to process that one.