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Hey Husker fans! Remember that time when we lost to Baylor by 30?
John Mayer isn't the concert Lincoln wants, but it's the concert Lincoln deserves.
My kids are like "We don't wanna go to mom's house for Christmas!" and I'm all "you should've thought about that before causing the divorce"
I still say it's better to have a fake girlfriend than a real ex-wife.
Spending Thanksgiving Day alone isn't so bad. The ladies on the Butterball Turkey Talk Line are friendly and seem to enjoy chatting with me.
It's important to remember that a "royal baby" is the same as a quarter-pounder baby in the US. It's because of the metric system.
Going nowhere and getting there fast
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