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My husband is an ass man.
Also, my husband is an ass, man.
I'm as hard as I need to be
& only as soft as the world allows me to be.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love should not be one of them.
Everything is going to kill everyone, eventually. So relax, and have your vices.
It wouldn't be the first time a chili cheese dog caused a car accident.
When it comes to worrying or cutting your own hair, you really gotta know when to stop.
Some of my best friends are tweets.
Perhaps our Earth is another planet's Hell.
Reality is overrated.
Choking on things left unsaid.
Don't forget to take your meds, friends.
If someone offered me a million dollars, I'd probably sit down and worry about what I'd do after I'd spent it all.
I guess sometimes we all want to run the fuck away.
What's my motto? You can do it, put that ass into it.
Your mind is my new best friend.
Beware the fury of a patient man.
It's hard to tell if I'm socially awkward, or just awkwardly social.
I'm an adjective that's quickly turning into a noun.
Sometimes I turn up on Tuesday, when it's actually Friday.