Redbox is thanking everyone for reaching 2 billion rentals! Get a FREE one-day DVD rental today, March 8. Just use the promo code THANKS2U.

Nothing like a good ol' fashioned pussy pounding to cure insomnia

I really need to start deleting my google search history pic.twitter.com/fW9P17bL

Joe Biden's chin looks like a nutsack & I can't stop staring at it

Yay Jon Stewart giving a shout outta the Mets. He was at the game on Friday!!

ABC has a lotto drawing countdown clock. What the fuck is this, New Years eve?!?

99.999% of my tweets are bullshit and me just being an ass. Never ever mean to offend anyone. I am the most un-serious person on earth.

Ummmm so kool g rap just asked me to be in a threesome with him and his wife. No big deal.

@opriyaopriya @pareshg @pataakakuri @shotsofhappy @mzbasi7 I wish semen tasted like lassi though

Watching a Netflix documentary on an adult couple with Down syndrome that get married & start a life together. So sweet.

What It's Like Shopping At Forever 21  http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/what-its-like-shopping-at-forever-21 … via @jessmisener

@sunnyv yes but at least I changed out of them when I got home!!!

#truestory my dog always barks at black people on TV

Am going to say this with as much eloquence as I can muster: If you're homophobic, go fuck yourself.

Every night before he goes to sleep, he lays on my chest and has me scratch behind his ears. 😘🐶 pic.twitter.com/T16fKl6PkA

Sooo my 14 pound puppy just tried to attack a bear cub. This is the same dog that's afraid of cardboard boxes.

that awkward moment when CNN posts a photo of suspect #1 (deceased) and you do a double take cos he kind of looked like @sunnyv

Oral sex so intense that my nails ripped the sheets. #tmi #idgaftho

Tell the Easter Bunny that I'd like my eggs unfertilized, please.

If her tattoo comes off in the shower, she's too young for you bro.