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PRO TIP: Boys like to rock out with their cocks out, which is why girls should be careful not to pass out with their ass out.
Sometimes I'm funny on Twitter and sometimes I use this site as a forum to subliminally tell people I hate them.
My boobs are the most amazing things I own.
Hey guy who yelled at me from a truck... How's that working out for you? Still single? Thought so.
If I had $1 for every time I sent a picture of my ass to someone Id be one rich amateur porn model. But I don't get paid so Im just a slut.
My ability to lick my own boobs is how I landed my last boyfriend.
Drove to Jack in the Box all spaced out on sleep pills. Now I don't know if this is real.
Dear men, I want to take a moment to apologize for crazy bitches and how they be crazy. Sincerely, Me A member of the crazy bitch community
Texting while driving without a license and bumping NWA Fuck the Police. Trying to up my street cred.
Dancing around singing the Barbie Girl song. Dont judge me, my cat already is.
Homeless guy just blew me a kiss. Yep, I still got it.
Can't sleep. I blame the drugs. Yep. Stupid drugs, jumping into my mouth and shit...
Your 10 year old daughter is wearing designer clothes? Hahahahahaha. Your life is going to suck in a few years.
The answer is no. I'm not ok. I ran out of wine. Would you be ok if you ran out of wine?!?
I think I'm going to go on Maury's "I used to be a nerd but now I'm hot" thing. That's classy right? Either way I'm wearing booty shorts.
In my text messages from last night, you can almost pin point the point of intoxication. Somewhere around "well igues you not geting fuyckd"
I have chef skills and porn star skills which when combined equal wifey skills.
I realized I was a whore when the most common thing I asked my friends was "Do you know his gf, is she the type who'd stab me?"
Told my friend I was a cat and proceeded to meow repeatedly until he hung up on me. So no wild cat sex for him!
Either there's someone sneaking in and stealing my underwear or I should slow my roll on the whore train.
Take it all with a grain of salt, a spoon full of sugar and a hit of acid because I'm probably kidding.