Ahhh to be young... And pregnant... And working at McDonalds...

If you can't say something nice, then just be a bitch.

Apparently "dicks don't suck themselves".

No dirty dishes in heaven? Maybe I should suicide myself.

My friend moved her bed into her livingroom, and has now become a social recluse. Learn from this.

What if someone really laughed their dick off?

Roller skates at work would be cool.

Why are there so many girls wearing Oilers jerseys? Isn't that an expensive investment to make when you're only pretending to like hockey?

Sitting alone at a bus stop is a little over done.

I just fought someone for a cat's attention and love.

I need a sign that says "get away from my desk".

Drinking cups of coffee. Drinking cups of coffee. Drinking cups of coffee. Drinking cups of coffee.

Angry short women being angry, and short.

My job is starting to feel like highschool. I'll just eat my lunch alone.

There's a fine line between sexy biting and cannibalism.

Got a flu shot today. My arm is so sore.. Like I've been giving hand jobs all afternoon.

Squad cars out patrolling for drivers applying mascara.

Why don't we ever hear anything about the Last Breakfast?

Raw vegans eat your heart out. Wait... I guess you can't.

FEED THE CATS! FEED THE CATS! That's all anyone cares about anymore.