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My girlfriend follows me on twitter, but I don't follow her because she's not very funny.
Suck on my lady boner.
Just found my own panties in my jean pocket. That's odd
Got a text today that read, "So...what do you think about strap-ons?" my answer was only if you put it in my butt while calling me papi.
It's hilarious when my mom says I'm too pretty to be a lesbian. I'll just cut off all my hair then, how's that? Oh wait, still fucking sexy!
On a scale of one to Ellen, how gay do I look?
I don't know about you guys but I think Serena Williams has a penis...
I may be gay, but I'm pretty as fuck.
I fucking hate everyone sometimes.
I don't need a fake avi because I'm actually fucking GORGEOUS, thanks!
It's softball time. Bring on the dykes.
Think like a man, fuck like a lady ;)
Nice truck, sorry about your penis.
This midget barista at Starbucks need to calm the fuck down before I duck tape her little hands to my ceiling fan blades!
If you can offend me, I'll buy you a burrito. So you can deep throat it, like your daddy's cock.
Goddamnit stop breathing so hard.
You know what excites me?
How you shut up when I sit on your face.
Oh really? You think I'm rude? Well good news is I don't give a shit what you think and you my dear can kindly go fuck yourself.