Evidently, scientists just determined that caffeine and an anti-inflammatory drug helps cure hangovers. Wasn't that covered in college?

It says so in the paper! Come celebrate our one year anniversary for Broads and Panties. January 28 at @treesdallas. Thanks, @dallasobserver

I love boobs. Especially attached to women I adore.

I'm making a real effort to count calories for the first time in my life. It may be the worst idea I've ever had.

I can't drink enough red wine to get you off my mind.

Diamonds are a dime a dozen; a good fuck is forever.

I seemed to have dropped my sparkle.

I think I'm going to do it. I think I'm deleting FB. Dare me? I really hate that place!

Rhinestones on roses and being called kitten. Romance at midnight and falling quite smitten. These are a few of my favorite things.

Some days on Sundays, you feel the need to dress like a sex kitten crossed with a hell cat for absolutely no reason at all.

Motherfuckin Old 97's! Secret hitchhiker show!

Position available posthaste: One pretty girl needed to paint my nails & toes and tell me bedtime stories about fairies and frisky fuckery.

Miss Bubbles made her get away from the cube! Last seen swigging red wine from the bottle and dancing about with a lemon cherry cupcake.

Come make love like rain to me.

Dear Thai Jesus: Thanks for making peanut sauce fucking goddamn delicious any time of day. I owe you. Just nothin religious, yo. So gross.

You were sent here to destroy me. Or perhaps just annoy me.

So what if I did eat that many Girl Scout cookies all by myself? Gotta keep my BonBon bouncing.

Where is everyone when I'm feeling so happy about the new job I just got!?! PS I have so much Extra love for @stealingkitty right now.

Pei Wei, I still don't entirely understand why you sell chocolate chip cookies, but thank you.

Thanks for always being in my bed.