I'm going to stand in the kitchen at 2:51 am and eat the rest of these vegan gumdrops like a goddamn winner.

Ahhh, listening to The Eagles is like a warm bath to my white trash soul.

@pftompkins Since there is @pod_f_tompkast evening wear, I made my own. Neat, huh? http://t.co/MfqcIW9e

Oh my god, though, Throwing Shade Live was amazing! @gibblertron and @bryansafi are brilliant, beautiful people. #tspod

Did my first open mic set tonight at Laughs On Fairmount. Terrifying. Wonderful.

Hey, people who are all like, "Oh, I won't drink a glass of milk because it's gross to me": FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU TO HELL.

I don't know why they have flavors for 5 Hour Energy Shots when they all taste like OH GOD I CAN FEEL ALL THE BLOOD IN MY EYEBALLS!!

I will always donate to the #maxfundrive. Two years ago, #jjgo was the only light in the darkest period of my life. They got me through.

You know that thing where you're a woman and you listen to/read something from @robdelaney and then you feel better about yourself?

I drew @daveanthony & @rippedlikejesus of @walkingtheroom like they are on the inside: Dead. http://t.co/OGX2pqCd

World! This time tomorrow we'll be listening to #superegoseason3 together, sharing joy for once in our miserable lives! @gosuperego !!!

Boy, my commitment to feminism is surprisingly easily undercut by trying to haul a screaming, crying drunk chick 4 blocks to her house.

This girl waiting for the train looks like a big-eyed lady version of Nathan Fillion with a nosering. I'm confused but stirred.

My Benedict Cumberbatch reference has three more tries before I drop it from the act. C'mon, Philly, get on that Sherlock tip!

Should I have pile four drinks on top of the waning effects of generic DayQuil? Only science can tell. But yes.

Dear everybody: Stop saying "whilst."

I found a quarter in a pay phone. I KNOW, RIGHT?

odditiesoflife: Talking to the Dead - A Brief History of the Ouija Board


The Ouija board (Wee-ja), also kno…  http://tmblr.co/ZFirnwe21BYk 

I figured out a way to keep all robots from becoming evil. It's not Asimov's Laws. Just don't wire red lights in their eyes, dum-dums!

I found an orange on the street and I ate it. That's probably the first step to becoming a hobo. Man, I can't wait to steal window pies!