Zombie doctors are always nagging their patients to eat more whole brains.

Reach for the stars. Even if you miss, you will be in space so no one will hear you scream.

Little known fact: "Sophia" is Hebrew for "She who hides somewhere in a forest and had better be a zombie or have lost a limb." #walkingdead

Oooh. Sorry. We meant to say that in 2012, everyone was going to DIET. Darn autocorrect!! Our bad. Love, The Mayans.

Think I may have inadvertently taken two antihistamines this morning. My sinuses are very clear. Also, I think I can fly.

Recipe for lentil soup says "boil untl lentils are tender." Watching pot to see when lentils gently caress onion's hair & ask about its day.

Made my 3-month old laugh hysterically by rubbing his cheek and long story short I've decided you people are way too hard to impress.

Oooh! It's Canada Day! Time to blow up my inflatable Lawn Shatner.

RT @standupfalldown Now that Osama Bin Laden is dead, I can't wait for the Republicans to tell us how President Obama killed him wrong.

Fear of being in an enclosed space with St. Nicholas: SantaClaustrophobia. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

I watch men's gymnastics for the articles.

Spent the last 15 minutes creating certificates congratulating employees on completing "Ant-Bullying" training. *sigh*

What happens when your grandfather has a cell phone: "Oh. Hi, Sarah. I didn't actually mean to call you."

I am bi-polar. I like Santa AND penguins.

Dammit. Still writing 2:26 am on all my checks.

I just scored 37 out of 60 on an empathy test. You could tell me how you feel about this, but apparently I wouldn't care.

My primary hope is that I am judged by the content of my character, not by what I am wearing to this 8 am rummage sale.

I am known for my excellent peoples kills. #failedcoverletters

Happy Canada Day! Time to run downatairs and see if Celine Dion left any poutine in my apology stocking!

It takes 14 muscles to smile, but banging your head against the wall burns 150 calories an hour.