If insomnia burned calories, I'd make millions off of my diet book "Think of Bills and Stupid Things You Once Texted a Guy."

after just a few seconds of that blowplay
I got a rush of blood to head like coldplay

"blowjob" implies pressure and obligation...lets refer to it as "blowplay" and now rappers have another word to rhyme with coldplay

Whenever I start to feel like I'm too tired to go out, I just think about how Lance Bass became an astronaut and I'm 100% recharged.

"This poem by Philip Larkin sucks because Philip Larkin also sucked." #possibleanswerstofinalexams

6 year old me got my first boner over a fucking claymation spider with lipstick how gutless is that

fuckin flying over the Atlantic ocean on a peach chilling with yuppie centipedes and that smokin French spider babe

Canada should never cut education funding ever again. @justinbieber

{new!} a montreal itinerary;  http://wp.me/pU1t7-1lY 

No joke here: it appears that @petitbills and @supplyottawa were both robbed this evening. RT photo of suspect: pic.twitter.com/pOXReeZg

Official 1-month countdown to @thelibrarygirls ! #readyyourbookmarks #andyoursassyladyglasses @missemilyrack

To all our amazing fans. #30Rock pic.twitter.com/epsu6rJ4

HUGE #FF love to the gals making @wedbyhand happen! @splendid_events @cha_sacha @hollyvictori @livingmyyoga

{new!} coming soon: { @thelibrarygirls } ;  http://wp.me/pU1t7-1iC 

first @wedbyhand meeting of 2013 tonight with @splendid_events @morseldesserts @jennamstokes @cha_sacha @@hollyvictori @missemilyrack! yay!

RT @mortaltaste: Rather love this letter in today's Guardian pic.twitter.com/OfnEf4de

Whenever I pull my phone out at bars it lights my face up, like I'm about to tell a campfire story about how bad I am at social interaction.

Can you even imagine being a teenager the summer they first released barbecue potato chips?

I wish there was an Anthropologie for men. It would be called Manthropologie and I would buy all my clothes there.