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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.
Crazy old mermaids probably have a bunch of catfish.
My boss just sent me an email with 155 characters. What a windbag.
Had a tweet stolen. Authorities recovered parts of it a chop shop but most of the letters had been sold on the Scrabble black market.
Did pretty well on the scavenger hunt. Shot three scavengers.
When I see a large Russian woman, I imagine a series of smaller Russian women nested inside.
Speaking Chinese isn't all that impressive. There's like a billion people that can do it.
If you think I look bad, you should see the piñata.
Karate seems like a good skill to have if you're ever attacked by a stack of boards.
Just learned that tigers don't eat Frosted Flakes. Now I'm questioning whether they're even gr-r-reat.I don't know what to believe any more.
Sure I'm glad the economy is recovering but can't help but be a little disappointed that I never saw a man wearing a barrel with suspenders.
My conjoined twin is so annoying and he… Oh my god, he’s right behind me, isn’t he?
We're having a baby! Through a surrogate mom and surrogate dad who will keep custody. So, I'm gonna need to take tomorrow off.
What do you get for a bagel that has everything?
Sadly, Jason fell into the atomizer. He will be mist.
Greyhound racing is inhumane. Especially since I understand they put down the losing bus.
Ball Park Franks? Can't they narrow it down a bit?
Natural selection should be choosier.
Mr. Potato Head has died after a long struggle with tuber-culosis.
I'm 38 but I have the air of a much older man; he left it on the bus. If anyone sees him, tell him I've got his oxygen cylinder.
Friend to people with nachos MANY STOPS DO NOT FOLLOW