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I went to the gyno yesterday for a checkup. He told me to stop masturbating. I asked why. He said "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
Please, get your knickers in a twist. They are easier to fling across the room.
A stork might bring you a baby, but a swallow never will.
Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a home. I died there. That's when the worms came. Worms. I hate worms. They drive me crazy. Crazy?
I find it difficult to get a conversation going if you don't have your ankles behind your ears.
It looks like RTs get me more followers than my own shit. The penny drops. I need to change my AVI to my vagina.
"Party on dudes" is not the same as "Party on, dudes".
Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal.
I like to make the people I follow comfortable by giving them a RT. It eases the blow when they realize I'm stalking them from afar.
Who do you have to fuck around here to get a RT? Your husband? Ok. Send him in with his pants off.
Where are the boys?
I have a milkshake.
My friends tell me I'm too condescending.
That word means I talk down to people.
My friend reckons I use words without knowing what they mean, which is ironic, because she told me that on a Wednesday.
Wish you were beer...
Geez! I go have a shower and you're all pregnant!
Fact: Males who pee whilst sleep walking shouldn't even bother going to the toilet. They would make less of a mess in their cupboard.
Is this corner of twitter taken?
Got a phone call at work today. It was the wrong number. He said "sorry I thought this was somebody else's number." I said, "It is"...
Just opened a letter on the way to bed. Dear Sir/Madam.
I realized I'm part lesbian. They know it too.