say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly by schools.

i wish google maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option. but i live there.

money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

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you have to be polite *after* sex? really? @sourmess How long is it polite to wait after sex before you can leave?

-+|+◄ RT to help make it bloom. @lowes #plantatweet No Purchase Necessary. http://t.co/hVExvdne

if life gives you lemons, sqeeze those lemons real good & shove them up life's hiney hole- life'll think twice about giving you lemons again

cat. it's what's for dinner.

just curious, when WAS the last time that "great" talent whitney HAD a hit that wasn't off a glass dick?

500 years of peace and what does it produce? the cuckoo clock...

what's better than cat puke? cat puke on the carpet. twice.

÷═§═@ RT to help make it bloom. @lowes #plantatweet No Purchase Necessary. http://t.co/KrNZzila

i cannot write peppermint bark <bark bark!> w/o writing <bark bark!> afterwards.wth is wrong with me???

i hope some fingers get blown off tonight. not to be a bitch or anything - just so they'll learn to respect explosives and all. really.

if you can't trust women with "a choice", then stop fucking them. easy peasy...#keepitinyourpantsjerkoffs

If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

the lump of flannel sheets in the corner of my bedroom didn't fold themselves. THIS time. if i give them an extra 3 months, maybe?

may i put my icy feet in your buttcrack for warmth? thank you.

do you know karate? i want to know if you're gonna put up a fight...

jennifer aniston has a new fragrance. so *that's* what pathetic with undertones of desperation smells like...