Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
You burn more calories if you stab someone with a dull knife.
I'm putting Barbie clothes on my various pill bottles to make my stimulant addiction seem more glamorous.
My panties smell like a mermaid.
I don't mind if you only tell me you love me when we're fucking, cause it's the only time I can tolerate you.
I may not know a lot about politics, but I can draw the biggest set of tits on a stick figure you've ever seen.
Tired of explaining why all my crayons taste like vagina except for the black ones.
So I was huffing gas and I realized girls without heads never cry and I don't like crickets.
People that leave voicemails are the reason syphilis is still a thing.
Sodomy feels like a penis in your butt.
I don't want to die in a fire I didn't start myself.
I'm not the kind of girl you insert a corndog in.
I'm building myself a new hymen out of red Legos.
It's amazing how a little dab of glitter will make a swastika tattoo so dainty and feminine.
I puked in the bath and saw the likeness of Lou Diamond Phillips in my vomit, so I made out with him until the peyote wore off.
It takes a special kind of lady to pull off wearing a glass eye.
I'm cutting the crotch out of all my period panties to make myself a fancy quilt to match the blood stains on my sheets.
When I'm shaving a paraplegic's legs, I like to cut them intentionally just so I can remind them that they have no feelings.
Tired of eating dead beauty queens to make myself feel pretty on the inside.
I go to all this trouble to pick out the perfect prosthetic leg for someone, sterilize my kitchen floor and they won't even let me amputate.
My panties smell like SeaWorld.
The Vagina Monologues were written about me. @SandyVag69 is my bestie and my scissoring partner in 'real' life.