I asked this broad for sex on the beach and she hands me this bullshit drink. I slammed that shit, then i tried that drink, it wasn't for me

I hate being dry.

Anyone else feel like gettin' slippery tonight?

They need to invent a pill that makes it soft.

Mitch loves you all equally but in very different waves.

I tried running on the beach this morning but with every step the sand turned to glass

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA RIGHT?! RT @mrgregdow Just heard a bilingual ambulance, it must have back packed through europe during its summer vacation!

Taco tuesday! follow @jessicacabot and @tomhanksishot

real quick guys, @mrgregdow for president!!

The girl I nailed 3 weeks ago just tried to tell me she wasn't pregnant as an april fools joke. That's impossible!

@mrgregdow don't aim for the eyes. it stings. trust me LOL

when I die i hope to come back as a surf board that Hobie will someday ride. Or sun screen that he use so i can still protect him forever.

it was great meeting everyone at the deadheads DVD release party last night. I really enjoyed talking with @mrgregdow and @rossakidder

Please help Support @bradbruce00 & cast! finish their short film. Donate as little as $1 http://t.co/aXYUeHsB @kickstarter”

#ff @ofnorthamerica and @welchysgripe

@tomhanksishot In that case, i'd like you to add your two cents to every thing I say.

#ff my dick

every time i get into the ocean, all the sharks get out

@kasemannn @yrbaristahatesu #ff and this time and this time only "#FF does NOT stand for face fuck

I only came here to do two things. drink some beer and save some lives, looks like we're almost out of beer