#NationalBoyfriendDay http://t.co/LWmmYEMw

i'll be disappointed in mankind if John Black doesn't get laid tonight

when i got the dvd's for the bus videos the cashier made a joke about making pornos. so i also got lube, a prince cd, and a wiffleball bat

highschool can be fun, but there are a couple rules. 1. be easygoing 2. keep your boobs off facebook #declassified

So did anyone else have a fun weekend? pic.twitter.com/iXQXhyYV

When prom takes an unexpected turn... pic.twitter.com/6e2EDMhPiS

Im sorry, i thought you were a dumbass but now that i see the wise quote on your selfie i have completely changed my opinion

just left a note at masco, "no school or the bridge gets it -Sandy"

when i kill ants in my house i leave the body out to send a message

YOU DON'T ALL SPONTANEOUSLY LOVE SUSHI. RAW FISH AIN'T HIP. CUT THE SHIT.

it's been a long night of work but i can finally fit half my fist in my mouth. I'll make you proud mom!

anyone want to invite me to their new years event? guaranteed to dance at least twice and perform 15min of drunken stand-up if you're lucky

drunk on a person and high off a season sounds like the fucking worst way to spend a night

guys, im beat the system, i ripped off my windshield wipers. now cops can't leave tickets

I like to take a good look at all the people at baggage claim after a plane ride and imagine how we'd all get along in a Lost situation

are you feeling uncomfortable? cunt. How about now?

if you win Mr.Masco you get mad pussy. seriously, like eight cats attacked me last year as i was walking out. cats suck.

#ChristianMingleUsernames Legs_Like_The_Red_Sea

dont drink and drive, but please drink and call me, should be hilarious. catch me on my cell: 911

Gonna make a light beer called shakur and sell it primarily in 2 packs