Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The best part about being alive is when you are out at night, looking up at the infinite stars in the sky, while your dog is taking a shit.
I just made myself some "Nachettos." (ghetto nachos) Saltines with shredded cheddar, on a paper plate, melted in the microwave, with salsa.
I have decided that I'd rather remain head over heels in love with the person I can't have and be alone than try to fake love anyone else.
Pizza + Twins game > artisanal hipster Uptown bullshit.
Hey man, if you go on Judge Joe Brown being sued for violent homophobic threats to a guy who bought you a cell phone, I can tweet about you.
How Soon is Cow #TheSmithsFromTexas
My Thoughts As I Was Walking to the Store Just Now: "I hope nobody can tell that there's a huge hole in the crotch of these pajama pants."
Dear Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Buying you from the deli was the best decision I've made in a long, long time. I love you! Sincerely, Me
It's rather difficult to enjoy life when the only things you've ever wanted are hopelessly out of reach.
LOL if you don't love thunderstorms and want to marry them and have babies with them.
Truth be told, all I've been doing this week while I was off Twitter was watching a billion episodes of "United States of Tara." #TRUEFACTS