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So George Zimmerman's single?
Hurry up and change your Facebook profile pictures for marriage equality! The Supreme Court Justices are tallying them all up right now!
Peyton and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Game
If only there was some way I could find out how all my weirdo acquaintances from high school felt about Israel and Palestine
Croissants are honestly bullshit but chocolate croissants can fucking hang
Pitching myself to Arby's as a reverse Jared.
The weird thing about Seinfeld is that we're supposed to believe that multiple women willingly had sex with George Costanza.
A picture is worth 1000 words but a GIF is worth 1 Bitcoin.
Misspelled "fried chicken" as "friend chicken" and now I'm hungry AND lonely
I could eat a horse. I'm not hungry, I'm just saying--I could do it.
The upside of this archaic fashion rule is that the Ku Klux Klan is much less active after Labor Day.
Really looking forward to my future daughter Ella's eighteenth birthday, when I'll finally reveal to her that her full name is Mozzarella.
This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. This is your brain on a bed of wilted arugula in a delicate saffron broth.
I'm angrier that Anderson Cooper's boyfriend cheated on him than I would be if my boyfriend cheated on me.
The reason God invented male pattern baldness is so that I can easily determine which season the episode of Frasier I'm watching is from.
The next season of American Horror Story is set at a party where you don't know anyone but it's too early to leave.
Writer for hire, formerly @Nerve @HowAboutWe @MLB. 'Female blogger' –@danieltosh. A bird once flew into my forehead.