Snapchat: for when you want to send a picture of your unshaved legs to all your closest friends.

Best Thanksgiving centerpiece ever. pic.twitter.com/AH8cL5Wv

It turns out that a lot of my Facebook friends both have moms AND love them!?

The phrase "slobbing knobs" is grossly underutilized in today's society.

I like twitter because I don't get Farmville requests on here. #facebook

Everybody made Barbie and Ken kiss, right? I didn't develop sexually before everybody else did, right? Right?

"Someone needs to bomb the Smirnoff Ice store." - @zoe_mclean

YOLO, amiright? @eccburnham @carlyhmattson @zoe_mclean @tiesssa #davequotes #YOLO

Jennifer Love Hewitt got John Mayer to write "Your Body Is a Wonderland" about her and I can't even get a guy to write me a text message.

A guy saying "u" instead of "you" in a text is an instant turn-off. It's two more letters. Put some effort into it, boys. Impress me.

22 years-old and I was turned away from a bar tonight even with two forms of ID and a debit card with my picture. Looking young tonight.

Ahhh the Workaholics cast on Arrested Development.

Boss announced that there would be a big intern project at 11:30. This project is us trying to buy him Blackhawk tickets.

I just sang "Happy Birthday" to my dog at full volume in case anyone was wondering if I've completed my transformation into my mother.

I don't remember the last time a man who wasn't begging me for money told me I was beautiful.

Let's all agree to be over this whole Harlem Shake thing starting right now.

I just want a really delicious cheeseburger and a job and a boyfriend. I don't think that's too much to ask.

I can hardly sleep I'm so excited for Groundhog Day tomorrow.

I asked my roommate where she was late at night and she replied "Don't worry. I'm in a safe place." OK, serial rapist on my friend's phone.

Policeman casually just checking in on 5N. Everybody act normal!