Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Snapchat: for when you want to send a picture of your unshaved legs to all your closest friends.
It turns out that a lot of my Facebook friends both have moms AND love them!?
The phrase "slobbing knobs" is grossly underutilized in today's society.
Everybody made Barbie and Ken kiss, right? I didn't develop sexually before everybody else did, right? Right?
Jennifer Love Hewitt got John Mayer to write "Your Body Is a Wonderland" about her and I can't even get a guy to write me a text message.
A guy saying "u" instead of "you" in a text is an instant turn-off. It's two more letters. Put some effort into it, boys. Impress me.
22 years-old and I was turned away from a bar tonight even with two forms of ID and a debit card with my picture. Looking young tonight.
Ahhh the Workaholics cast on Arrested Development.
Boss announced that there would be a big intern project at 11:30. This project is us trying to buy him Blackhawk tickets.
I just sang "Happy Birthday" to my dog at full volume in case anyone was wondering if I've completed my transformation into my mother.
I don't remember the last time a man who wasn't begging me for money told me I was beautiful.
Let's all agree to be over this whole Harlem Shake thing starting right now.
I just want a really delicious cheeseburger and a job and a boyfriend. I don't think that's too much to ask.
I can hardly sleep I'm so excited for Groundhog Day tomorrow.
I asked my roommate where she was late at night and she replied "Don't worry. I'm in a safe place." OK, serial rapist on my friend's phone.
Policeman casually just checking in on 5N. Everybody act normal!