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I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow and be forced to relive the same day again. Wait, isn't that what everyone who has a job does? #groundhog
For some reason that brilliant comedy idea you just had to write down at 3AM never seems as funny the next morning.
There should be a Twilight Zone episode about someone who loses track of time while watching Twilight Zone episodes.
Don't you think the kid in Home Alone had to grow up into a sociopath who lures robbers into his house in order to torture them?
Watching #BigBangTheory & flashing back to when my friends walked to class arm in arm as "covalently bonded electrons." We didn't date much.
I love people who buy lottery tickets when its $640 mil but not when it's $90 mil. I mean after taxes it's hardly worth that $1 you spent.
Took the B train home instead of the 123 and felt like I was cheating on my long term relationship with someone really trashy. #MTAsnob
They should call the expiration dates on milk cartons "spoiler alerts."
I love how it's now cool to brag about how uncool you used to be. Or is that just because I'm hanging out with nerdier people?
WME signed M. Night Shamalan. I think the twist is going to be that he's been signed with them THE ENTIRE TIME. #funnyin1999
Watching #Dexter makes the father/son flashbacks scenes in #Psych seem super creepy. #shawnisprobablyaserialkiller
Will & Testament #DepressingSitcoms
Do you ever think about texting someone about a TV show on a Saturday night then realize that they're probably out doing something awesome?
Every time Kristin Wiig appears I can't help but think, "OMG, Kristin Wiig is in this episode!!" She's a star now. A STAR! #SNL
There has to be an improv team made up of middle-aged balding men called, "Test Pattern Baldness" and if there isn't, there should be.
I really want a reason to call someone a "Phillip K. Dickhead" in normal conversation. #amazinginsultandcompliment #justgivemeareason