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How do you brief a toddler on stranger danger?
My "even if they pull their pants down, it doesn't mean you have to" didn't go over so well.
Some days all I hope for is that my couch would hug me back.
And my Friday beer before 9am goes out to kids and school runs and the person who invented them.
Ugh when people just show up at my door because they miss me, without realizing their feelings are forcing me to wear pants before 3pm.
Oh god there are real live people with expectations in my living room & I've forgotten how to speak beyond 140 characters.
Bella said she likes Justin Bieber so I put her in time out with Led Zeppelin blaring.
Visiting a potential school for Bella tomorrow. This upsets me because:
a) I don't ever want her to leave me.
2. Ima have to get dressed.
Bf: You see the IT Game of Thrones chair?
Me: You mean iron throne?
Bf: Same thing
I can't believe this is what I chose to procreate with
Mom waiting for her kid at school pickup: I can't read lips so you can put your camel toe away now.
Have any of you seen a will to live? I seem to have misplaced mine.
I'm writing a book about challenges parents face. There are fifteen chapters. All of them titled Bedtime.
How does someone get stuck on Youtube for 4 hrs? There must be a way to disable this related videos feature...
A day so good the only way it could be better is if everything was made of bacon.
How badly I need something from the shop is directly proportional to how badly I want to drag the kids along. So lately I get by on nothing.
Ugh when people need me to be emotionally available and all I can think about is cake in a cup.
Spent a minute scraping a smudge from my monitor before realizing it was an apostrophe. In case you're wondering how the writing's going.
Sat down to write but now Twitter is open and Pinterest is saying things what
Should be writing so of course the past three hours have been spent teaching myself the choreography to Sia's Chandelier
I read, I write, I geek out with the best of them. Ps. I will dance if you let me.
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