sext: you turn my dick over and read the nutrition facts on the label. serving size is 1/8 of my dick

pussy look like a reflection of your body image issues amplified by societal pressure to conform to an unrealistc aesthetic ideal

i've convinced both my little sisters that it'd be cool if i threw them in the garbage and the truck took them away to become garbage men

my mom told me she went out last night to look at the moon and she FELT THE GHOST OF THE KID WHO DROWNED IN OUR POOL WTF

WEIRD TRICK TO MAKE GIRLS WANT YOU! GIRLS WILL BE ALL OVER YOU WITH THIS ONE TRICK! GIRLS PILING ON TOP OF YOU, CRUSHING YOUR BONES

omg i'm losing all my teen powers suddenly i can no longer raise my middle fingers and i have all this paperwork to do

i want to find a way to make guys treat me with respect but i just can't seem to open the door get on the floor everybody walk the dinosaur

i found this http://t.co/dmNwq6dB

if by 'squirting' you mean that when i blow my noise especially hard tears squirt out of my tear ducts then yes, i do squirt

haha i feel bad for everyone who texts me in complete sentences, i just invited someone to eat with me by texting 'when lunch'

i wish there was something like masturbating for kissing

hahahaha my art history prof is getting super mad about art crimes, i wanna be an art criminal that sounds badass as hell

i'd take STEM majors more seriously when they write off liberal arts majors as "easy" if they didn't write like 3rd graders

#TypesOfGirls the classic, the touch, the mini, the nano, the shuffle

@grifteezy who thinks pussy eating is weak?? every pussy i've eaten has only made me stronger

yeah i just stared down a grandma, what is she gonna do I'M IN A GANG

last night was a good night, this idiot i know walked into the party wearing a fedora and i knocked it off his head right into the trashcan

dick look like neopolitan ice cream

i feel like most desi immigrants could just be like "i'm a fucking doctor, you want my job? you aren't even qualified, you white devil"

protip: if you're talking to a guy and he keeps telling you that he's a "good guy," chances are he's a tremendous dickbag