Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"well that's a load on my back" - relieved slut
Bravo should do a reality show about women who have jobs.
Is murder even illegal in Florida anymore?
telling gay teens that life gets better is nice, but what they really need to hear is that their bullies will have mistake babies & die fat.
50 CENT HAS A COLOGNE AND IT'S NOT CALLED 50 SCENT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
Just bought a head of lettuce. Should I throw it away now or wait two weeks like I usually do?
Big deal. They kissed on a balcony. I got fingered on a stoop once, and no one threw ME a parade. #StoopFingering
Biden's teeth are so white they're voting for Romney. #VPDebate
being a writer is a great job if you love looking at a blinking cursor and wishing you were dead.
people who set off fireworks on July 5th have a favorite wrestler.
Is the moral of Homeland that teenagers are more annoying than terrorists?
"I'm going to funk the ship outta your tight picnic you forgetful horse!!" - porn on basic cable
Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger have requested that in lieu of wedding gifts, everyone stop laughing uncontrollably at them.
the doctor says I didn't catch AIDS but the replacement refs said I did. Super confused and might have AIDS.
I think I'm addicted to naps cuz I take one every time I do heroin.
I find it fitting that George Zimmerman will spend the rest of his life terrified that the guy behind him is a vigilante with a gun.
CNN just reported that nobody is making CNN jokes on twitter.
Dear people with kids, I'm going to take a nap now and get up whenever I feel like it. After that, I'm gonna do whatever I want.
i like: boxing. whiskey. naps. documentaries. also a writer and performer person for the tv.