Sure, I could spend $60 on FavStar, see all my tweets' stars & give out trophies. Or, I could buy a bag of weed, smoke it & not give a fuck.

Because of twitter, I have reached my maximum maturity level.

Imaginative people write the best tweets. Insecure fools are the ones who interpret them to mean something other than what's said.

A shit just took me.

I don't give a shit what your gender is, I'll still remain calling you dude.

This guy said he doesn't eat pussy. What a pussy.

Tweet to express, not to impress.

Girls are funnier then boys.

Cats are great at cuddling, but horrible drivers.

"Does my butthole look alright?" - Cats

In bed farting, reading comics.

"Hold my glasses, hold my glasses!" - Me before I kick someone's ass

Roses are red, Snooki is preggers, But the only thing more sad, Are Team Followback beggars.

It's a beautiful day to not give a shit.

Just burped a raptor call.

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to have a penis often mistaken for fruit?

People who have funny tweets are on my good side.

Who need friends when you have twitter.

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

I can't wait for you to shut me up.