I hate Monday's ..by the time I get it all together it's friday. Then after two days of congratulating myself. It starts all over again.

All year long the mailman gives me bills,which means grief.So why do I have to give him a gift.

He thinks he is macho man. Little does he know I seen him the day his hair piece fell off his head. Seems a sweaty head doesn't hold it on.

Where else can us over the hill, heading for the grave women find true love....George you will live to regreat leaving me

I got this small refridgerator for my room. From my daughter who lives with me. I think she is trying to tell me something.

What are they doing with all the money the tolls were put their for....The Roads...Don't make me laugh

Is anyone getting nervous yet. You should be. We can all go on food stamps when we are taxed more then we earn

I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have a government job. Get ready to go dumpster diving

Well guess what??I just got a call from one of my daughter.She must be on Twitter, Why else would she call.?

I want a closed casket. They always make woman look like harlots. with a dab of this red stuff on face.. Does that make us look healthy???

I can't decide which party to go tonight? Who am I kidding, I'll be in bed by 10:00. That is if George picks me up after work.

This is the worst joke I have seen this year, A picture of Mary and Joseph in bed,with the caption, God is a hard act to follow.

All you Twitter people enjoy your Family Gatherings. . Every year you think It will be different...BUT IT WON'T.

I'm getting desperate. I will do an obsene Snow angel for him. or what ever it takes

. I need a few days to get the wine and sloppy joe mix off my carpet before I can concentrate on another fun filled holiday..

If it turns out to be a another horriable Family gathering . Next year I will put their gifts on the porch and go hide out at the 7 11

Heck with college..Four years in congress and your are set for life. and look at all the money you will get from the lobbiest

I think I will start to hide wine bottles in the house.Give the kids something to talk about this year instead of who wants what when I die

If my kids ask me for one more thing for Christmas I will have to tell them I gave up my street corner months ago. Christmas will be bleak

I think I will write everything I own on a pieces of paper and put it in a hat. Maybe this will cut down on the fighting this year