Forgive me for the terror and horror I have unleashed into my community. For my daughter has gotten her drivers license. Let us pray.

Found out today women don't always enjoy a smack on the ass.
Sorry Grandma.

@darylch
My Grandpa says unless something has changed Betty Whites pussy is definitely not dry.

Twitter is environmentally friendly. I used to write all this shit down before.

If I masterbate thinking of you with your clothes on that's love , right?

Instead of the 23rd psalm or the footprints poem I want my Twitter timeline on my obituary.

Toronto Maple Leafs should write "Stanley" on their jock straps so at least they can say they held the cup.

I can rub the wrinkles out of my own dick but the gray hairs on my balls, now that's something to worry about.

@saraespivey
I wondered which way she went

* masterbates faster

@rdub4ya thank you for the follow. Nice to have you here.

I need not Viagra,
But I do need She-ra to harness this energy from below my belt.

It's not that I didn't shower as much as I'm letting my natural oils rejuvenate my skin and hair.

What smell?

Have you been abusing laxatives again?
cause no-shit.

#samsung
Dear customer support,
to quote S.L. Jackson
ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER do you speak it?

When you left me I felt a big hole where my heart should be.

cause Bitch you shot me.

What are the meds that has the little sticker that says:
Take with alcohol.

@rancidpsychosis
When you care enough to send the very best.

It made her giggle when I farted. Now that we're older and I have some depth and range, now its disgusting?
I don't get women.

@abbythegroovy
That's when artist are at their best. Get to work.

Happy New Year