I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank

Mountain Dew or Mountain Dew Not there is no Mountain Try

guys i'm so excited i emailed hotmail@gmail.com to ask them what its like to have the best email account in the world NO RESPONSE YET

that thing when you touch your teeth and they are dry and it occurs to you that inside your face is a real live skull made of bones

Here's my five-point plan for the economy *draws a pentagram in salt, sets dollar bill on fire*

its a vulva. every time i hear/ read "vagina" used to refer to the outside bits i'm going to call yr penis a "urethra" b4 steppin on it

Biden I am going grip your mane so hard when I ride u back into Narnia

If Mitt Romney is elected president punk rock will be AMAZING again

What's the word for baby squirrels? Pups? Squirrelins? Squibbles. Skrillex?? Squizzlers?! Anyway my dick & balls are covered in them

menstruate so hard strangers are surprised to find themselves involved

Dropped off my Jabbapplication at the Pizza Hutt

WArning: LIZARDS IS REAL. REAL ANMAIL.

How often do donut shop drive-thru operators hear "I love you" by accident

TOP 10 SPIDERS IN MY BED OF 2012: 1. Very Larged Browny Long Legs 2. Smallish Fast Translucent Thingama 3 - 10. The Ones I Sleep-Eated

Unless you are the garbage can at a bagel shop there is no way you have as many bagels in you as I do right now

Pump Down The Jams / A Little Less / Stop Your Body / Stand Still on the Dance Floor / Don't Move / Fake Death / Fall Over

Sell me fries, sell me sweet little fries - me at the counter of the local Fleetwood MacDonalds

:|


:/



:__

sext: I want my gun and my badge on your desk by the end of the day, chief

Get stoked on all the different times of the day: Midnoon, Tooth Hurty, Dawsk, Breakers, Later Than You Think, Afternight, Morming